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Don't be Someone's Audience

6/19/2019

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Hello Everyone, 
Have you ever had a relationship where the other person spent all of the time sharing their life with you, but it seems/seemed to never be your turn to share? This can be a romantic relationship, a friendship or in a relationship with a family member. This person can keep you on the phone talking about their experiences, or take all the time that you share together talking about what they want or need. This is not a relationship, this is one person using the other one as an audience. Your job is to bear witness to their life, to be someone to reflect their experience off of. This can leave you feeling drained and frustrated. If we do not have boundaries and eliminate our exposure to people who use us for their audience, then we will stay frustrated and drained. It is not rude or selfish to want what you are willing to give in a relationship. It is our job to protect our well being. Pay attention to what you expose yourself to. If you find that you are being someone's audience and you don't want to be, then try setting some boundaries. Limit the amount of time you spend with them  and in conversation with them. You don't always have to shut the door on a relationship, try limiting time spent with that person and go from there 
Take care everyone and remember you were not born to be someone's audience! 
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Write Down Your Most Painful Deal Breaker

6/11/2019

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Hello Everyone, 

Relationships can be a wonderful addition to our lives, or they can leave us feeling depleted and hopeless. A relationship is supposed to add to our lives not take away. A healthy relationship will support your life, it will encourage you to be your best self. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will feel discouraged and alone. All abuse isolates you and leaves you feeling alone. Pay attention to how you feel after you spend time with someone. If you feel depleted and alone, this can be a sign that you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. 
It can be difficult to be honest with yourself when you are navigating the toxic waters of an unhealthy relationship. It can be helpful for you to write down your most painful deal breaker and then not make excuses if your boundary is crossed. When we are in a relationship and someone crosses our boundary, our natural tendency may be to try to explain or understand why someone crossed it. This can be a trap because it takes the focus off of the fact that the boundary was crossed and that is the point, not why someone crossed it or how far down the line they crossed it. 
Writing down your most painful deal breaker can be a way for you to step out of the fog of what is happening to you in your relationship. For so many, it's not what someone does, it's what someone continues to do that is the most painful. For example, someone lying is an over stepped boundary, but the more painful damaging deal breaker, is someone that makes no effort to change that hurtful damaging behavior. One example of a most painful deal breaker may be: I tell you how what you do is hurting me and you say you are sorry but make no effort to change. If that is the deal breaker and the boundary continues to be over stepped, then there is no relationship and you may want to ask yourself "What am I doing here, this is not a relationship. This is me being hurt by someone who does not care." If someone cares, then they make an effort to stop. If someone says that they care but they make no effort to stop, then stop listening to them and start paying more attention to what they do. 

Take care everyone, I hope you write down your most painful deal breaker even if you are not in a relationship. 
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Don't Carry the Weight of Hate

6/4/2019

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Hello Everyone, 
Hate is heavy and when we carry it, it weighs us down. Don't make the mistake of hating, it keeps you from your life and from experiencing true freedom and true joy. Hate is a mistake, don't make the mistake of hating it will consume you. If there is someone in your life that is not good for you and has wronged you, you can forgive them and let them go, you do not have to hate them. Hate does not keep us safe, often times we hate what we don't understand. The next time you catch yourself saying that you hate someone or something, remind yourself that there may be something in the situation that you do not understand and that it is okay for you to move on even if you don't understand it. 
Take care everyone, I hope that you don't make the mistake of hating because you deserve to be free. 
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