Hello Everyone, 
​Codependents tend to do everything in relationships. Codependents do the cooking. cleaning grocery shopping etc. even though they have a job and work just as much as their partner. If their partner tries to help, the codependent will have a list of reasons why their partner is more tired or does more and why the partner should relax while they take care of everything. Over time however, codependents tend to begin to feel resentment and anger towards their partner when they get tired or want more help. 
Codependents have a difficult time asking for help or expressing a need. Codependents struggle with boundaries and saying no. If any of these traits sound familiar to you, and you want to deal with your codependent traits, you can begin to change things by learning to validate yourself. Self validation is helpful for codependents because it can be a first step to self love. Codependents often over extend themselves because they are trying to get approval and prove their value so that they will not be left or replaced so they constantly look for approval. Once someone struggling with codependency begins to validate themselves, they are less dependent on the people in their lives to validate them and they begin to recognize their worth and get stronger. Use the example below to learn how to begin to validate yourself...
​For example:
Old unhelpful thinking for codependent:
"I just cleaned this entire house, picked up your prescription from the pharmacy, cooked your dinner and you have the nerve to go to bed while I'm left folding your laundry, you are so selfish!"

Old Unhelpful Behavior:
Sits and finishes folding laundry, goes to bed late and is tired at work the next day, feels unappreciated and neglected 

New helpful thinking for codependent:
"Wow, I am awesome, I got the prescription on time, I cleaned the house and still managed to come home and make a delicious dinner! I AM AWESOME!!!"

New Helpful Behavior:
Says to partner, "Hey I am really worn out, would you mind helping me fold the laundry so we can both go to bed on time?" Feels confident in asking for help and valuable 

Take care everyone, I hope this was helpful. If you have codependent traits self love is crucial to your healing. Learning how to validate yourself is a great start to healing. Thanks for reading!

Hello Everyone, 
When we look at dysfunctional family systems we will almost certainly be looking at control. Dysfunctional family systems evoke fear in the members to keep control over them. Dysfunctional families do not encourage the members to do what they want, think what they want or be what they want. Dysfunctional families will often push boundaries and over step boundaries as a way to measure if a member is still under the control of the system. 

Use this list to measure if you are being controlled by a dysfunctional family system 
1. You are afraid to tell a member of the system no
2. You do not ask for what you want or need
3. You go the extra mile to help but others in the system do not reciprocate when you need help, or they over help by giving help in a way where they are in control of everything
4. You are afraid to set boundaries, you do what others in the system want you to do when they want you to do it 
5. Having others in the system talk bad about you, this can include twisting what you said or did or  just lying about you 
6. Being worried that if you do not do what the family system wants you to do that you will be talked about in a bad way 

Setting boundaries to stop the control can be scary and nerve racking to say the least. Most dysfunctional families have spent years instilling fear that you need the family or that the family is everything. The family then uses the threat of withholding the family from you if you are not allowing the control to continue. When you finally get the courage to live your own life, it can feel like you are on your own with no support and this can feel both scary and intimidating. The reality is that you were not supported anyway, you were controlled.

Getting out of the control may include the following:
1. Having to risk losing the dysfunctional family system 
2. Limiting your time with the dysfunctional family system 
3. Saying no 
4. Not explaining or defending yourself or your decisions 
5, Refusing to engage in manipulation or guilt trips- learning to just say no and walk away 
6. Creating a new support system for yourself 

Most of us that come from a dysfunctional family system, cannot see it when we are in it,  but for most of us there comes a day when we begin to realize that our needs are not being met, taken seriously or respected and then we have a chance and responsibility to do something about it. 

Take care everyone, and if you have been stuck in a dysfunctional family system then this may be the day that you begin to say no thank you to being controlled and start making a plan to live a life that you love. Thanks for reading and take good care! 

Hello Everyone, 

Have you ever noticed that some people in your life do not seem to change. Nearly every time you have an interaction with them it tends to be negative, whether it is directed at you or someone else? There are abusive personality types and it is helpful to identify these abusive traits so that you can stay away from them.

Here are a few abusive traits that you can be mindful of so that you can begin to set some boundaries with them. 

• Always right or never admits any wrong doing
• Uses public humiliation as a form of punishment or control
• Needles you or others (pokes at you with upsetting comments until you react then they flip it on you that you are "angry" or "crazy"
• Doesn't listen 
• Withholds emotion if you express a need or a want 
• Does not acknowledge your efforts
• Is critical of what you do 
• Over steps boundaries and does not respect when you try to set boundaries 
• Smears your name to other people (talks badly about to you the people you care about)
• Lies to you and to others with no remorse 
• Apologizes for how you feel, instead of what they did wrong 
• Blames, has zero accountability 

If you have someone in your life that has been consistent with these behaviors, you will not be your best whole self until you set some distance between them and you. 
Take care everyone, I hope that you take inventory of the relationships you have in your life and of the way they make you feel. Thanks for reading!

Hello Everyone, 
Having a creative outlet is important for all of us. A creative outlet can be achieved through a variety of different activities. When we give ourselves permission to create, we experience freedom and wholeness. We were made to create and to be creative, look at our world and the impact that creativity has on us. Everything from cars, houses, fashion and more, came about because of someone's creativity. Making something that you are proud of adds to your sense of self and self worth. If we do not give ourselves permission to be creative we run the risk of not experiencing these freedoms and positive self perception and acknowledgment . If you are like most of us, you may be wondering how to begin to be creative.

Use the list below to start your journey or to pick your journey back up...
Forms of creativity may include:
*Drawing 
*Painting
*Sewing
*Pottery
*Weaving
*Photography
*Writing
*Knitting
*Crocheting 
*Wood working
*Building 
*Remodeling 
​
Once you pick one of the avenues of creativity from the list above, set a goal to engage in this form of creativity at least one time this week. 
​
​Take care everyone, I hope that you find a means and a way to express yourself creatively!