Codependents tend to do everything in relationships. Codependents do the cooking. cleaning grocery shopping etc. even though they have a job and work just as much as their partner. If their partner tries to help, the codependent will have a list of reasons why their partner is more tired or does more and why the partner should relax while they take care of everything. Over time however, codependents tend to begin to feel resentment and anger towards their partner when they get tired or want more help.
Codependents have a difficult time asking for help or expressing a need. Codependents struggle with boundaries and saying no. If any of these traits sound familiar to you, and you want to deal with your codependent traits, you can begin to change things by learning to validate yourself. Self validation is helpful for codependents because it can be a first step to self love. Codependents often over extend themselves because they are trying to get approval and prove their value so that they will not be left or replaced so they constantly look for approval. Once someone struggling with codependency begins to validate themselves, they are less dependent on the people in their lives to validate them and they begin to recognize their worth and get stronger. Use the example below to learn how to begin to validate yourself...
Old unhelpful thinking for codependent:
"I just cleaned this entire house, picked up your prescription from the pharmacy, cooked your dinner and you have the nerve to go to bed while I'm left folding your laundry, you are so selfish!"
Old Unhelpful Behavior:
Sits and finishes folding laundry, goes to bed late and is tired at work the next day, feels unappreciated and neglected
New helpful thinking for codependent:
"Wow, I am awesome, I got the prescription on time, I cleaned the house and still managed to come home and make a delicious dinner! I AM AWESOME!!!"
New Helpful Behavior:
Says to partner, "Hey I am really worn out, would you mind helping me fold the laundry so we can both go to bed on time?" Feels confident in asking for help and valuable
Take care everyone, I hope this was helpful. If you have codependent traits self love is crucial to your healing. Learning how to validate yourself is a great start to healing. Thanks for reading!