Hello Everyone, 
When we feel let down, disappointed, frustrated and sometimes even lonely, it may be because we have unmet expectations. We are allowed to have expectations and healthy relationships have expectations. Whether we are mindful of our expectations or not, often times they are there and we have them. When expectations are not met if we are not mindful that we had expectations and that is where the emotions and feeling are coming from, then we can really struggle and really get down. 

Follow this outline to learn how to help you manage your expectations. 
When you catch yourself feeling down, disappointed, frustrated or lonely following an event that just happened or was supposed to happen (especially if this was supposed to be a fun event)...
  Ask yourself the following questions:
  1.  "What am I feeling?"
  2. "What just happened as I see it?"
  3.  "What was I expecting to happen"

Taking just a moment to ask yourself these questions can help you to be mindful and to be aware of what you are experiencing instead of just reacting to what you are experiencing. Once you answer these questions for yourself, you can then begin to move forward and decide what if anything would you like to do with the information you now have. 

Sometimes just taking a step back helps to calm us down and it's enough so that we can move on. If you determine you need to have a conversation with someone then the next step would be to decide what you would like that conversation to be. 

It helps us all to be mindful of our own expectations, and also to realize that we are allowed to and need to have expectations, and also that just because we have expectations, that does not mean that someone has to meet them. However, if after you have expressed your expectations and the other party consistently does not meet them, then it may be time to move on. 
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I hope this was helpful and that you find happiness in learning to look at and manage your expectations. 
Take care everyone and I hope you find a way to be happier!

Hello Everyone, 

Being safe is more than just not feeling like you are in danger and more than just not being scared. Being safe can be measured by how you feel both emotionally and physically. It is imperative that we learn to live, work and play in what is and what feels safe to us. It can be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is my home environment safe? 
    -Is there someone in my home that makes me feel unsafe
    -Are there things in my home that make me feel unsafe (these can be things that remind you of unsafe times in your life, like a spatula or blanket or a familiar smell) or it can be too much clutter, or things not being arranged in a way that is inviting to you 
    - Does the position of your furniture in your home make you feel safe, would you feel safer if it were in a different position, are things on your walls that you don't like, are there things that you can bring into your home that would make you feel more safe
2. Is my work environment safe
    -Do you work in an environment that promotes safety? This environment would help you to feel relaxed and at peace even if you are doing a difficult job. Doing a dangerous job causes us to feel unsafe, so it is important that we do what we can to feel safe 
3. Are the things that I do for fun safe
      - This also includes being around people who make you feel safe 
      - Constant arguing or being called names causes us to feel unsafe 
      - Being hit, held down, screamed at etc. causes us to feel unsafe 
Take a look at how you are living by using theses three areas and then make some decisions about what you would like to change so that you can feel safer moving forward. 

Take care everyone, and I hope you protect your safety and address areas where you are currently unsafe!

Hello Everyone, 
​It is important to have a plan for you week that is written down. This is different than having your schedule in your head. When we keep our schedules in our head, we tend to achieve less in a week. This is how we can begin to feel like all we do is work, or we never have enough time to get things done. Plan your week with your priorities in mind. Follow the steps below to plan your week, everyone has to find what works for them. Try the steps below and see if they work for you, you may find that some of them work for you but not all of them, take what works and leave the rest.  

1. Make a list of everything you need to get done this week 
2. Make a list of what you would like to do this week 
3. Make a list of some goals you would like to achieve this week 
*It may be helpful to be sure the following appear somewhere on your list as well:
   -exercise, reading, budgeting, cleaning, eating and socializing 

There are several ways that you can schedule your week. Some people use their phones or apps for calendars, others simply use a notebook or you can use a paper planner. You can make it as simple or complicated as you want or need it to be, the goal is to just get started. Once you decide on the method you wish to use, you will need to add in hours for work and for school. Once you have accounted for that period of time, you can start delegating other events from your list of priorities. It's good to get a routine. For example maybe you go to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays, or you vacuum Tuesday and Thursday. 
Planning your week would also include meals and the time when you plan to get your meals. 
Take care everyone, we hope that this is a start for you and that you are motivated to start planning your life. 

Hello Everyone, 
It is important to realize that there are some people in our lives that are toxic for us. One way to measure if someone is toxic for you, is to pay attention to how you feel when you leave a conversation with them. Sometimes there are difficult things that we need to work through and we get annoyed or impatient, this is not the same thing. This would be more like you are having a great day, feeling happy or satisfied and then you have a conversation with someone and then feel drained or enraged or depressed. If  nearly every time you speak with this person you leave feeling this way, then this is not a healthy relationship for you. We spend so much time trying to feel different or trying to understand why we feel how we feel, and we don't spend enough time finding ways to set boundaries and eliminate our exposure to what is toxic for us. It's important to set boundaries so that we can stay whole and keep our peace. 
If you have already set boundaries with someone and find yourself getting sucked back in, it's time to regroup. Re-establish the boundaries with yourself. Limit the amount of time you expose yourself to this person. Find what type of involvement drains you the most. If speaking with them on the phone is the most draining, then find another way to communicate. Ask them to email you, or ask if they can text or message another way. If you have to spend time with them because it's family, a co-worker or a boss, try to share as little emotion as possible. Don't share your emotions and don't take their emotion or problem on. 
Take care everyone, and I hope you begin to pay attention to the relationships you have and to how you feel about them. Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

It's important to be mindful of your thoughts. Your thoughts produce your emotions and your emotions drive your behavior. If we go around not being mindful of what we are thinking we may be operating off of unhelpful thoughts. 
The next time you catch your thought, ask yourself, "Is this thought helpful?" If the thought is not helpful then ask yourself, "What is a more helpful thought?" 

Here is an example of how an unhelpful thought impacts us:
Unhelpful thought: "This will never get done" 
Unhelpful emotion: Anxiety 
Unhelpful behavior: procrastination 

Here is an example of an interrupted unhelpful thought that can become helpful 
Helpful thought: "This will get done, it's just going to take some time"
Helpful emotion: contentment 
Helpful behavior: Make a list of what needs to be done and start with number one 

Take care everyone, I hope you begin to look at what you are thinking and deciding if the thought is helpful. Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

We still have a few weeks of summer left and it's important to make good use of the time we have. This is a good time to reflect on your summer and decide what more you would like to do with what's left of the season. Try following these steps to be sure that you are getting the most of the season. 
1. Make a list of things that you would like to do or achieve
   1. Paint the house
   2. Visit a lake and build a fire 
   3. Clean out the garage 
   4 Go on a hike 
   5. Visit a farmer's market
   6. Eat outside on Fridays 
2. Next get out a calendar and schedule these things into your calendar. For example on Fridays you would write "eat outside". On Saturdays you would write "Farmer's Market" 
3. Follow your calendar, don't go by if you "feel like it or not", follow what you have written down 

Although you may not be able to achieve every single one these goals, if you stick to your calendar you are more likely to achieve some of the things and you will have made use of the last of your summer to achieve the things you wanted instead of having summer end and wondering where the time went. 

Take care everyone, I hope you set some goals for what is left of your summer!

Hello Everyone, 
Have you ever had a relationship where the other person spent all of the time sharing their life with you, but it seems/seemed to never be your turn to share? This can be a romantic relationship, a friendship or in a relationship with a family member. This person can keep you on the phone talking about their experiences, or take all the time that you share together talking about what they want or need. This is not a relationship, this is one person using the other one as an audience. Your job is to bear witness to their life, to be someone to reflect their experience off of. This can leave you feeling drained and frustrated. If we do not have boundaries and eliminate our exposure to people who use us for their audience, then we will stay frustrated and drained. It is not rude or selfish to want what you are willing to give in a relationship. It is our job to protect our well being. Pay attention to what you expose yourself to. If you find that you are being someone's audience and you don't want to be, then try setting some boundaries. Limit the amount of time you spend with them  and in conversation with them. You don't always have to shut the door on a relationship, try limiting time spent with that person and go from there 
Take care everyone and remember you were not born to be someone's audience! 

Hello Everyone, 

Relationships can be a wonderful addition to our lives, or they can leave us feeling depleted and hopeless. A relationship is supposed to add to our lives not take away. A healthy relationship will support your life, it will encourage you to be your best self. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will feel discouraged and alone. All abuse isolates you and leaves you feeling alone. Pay attention to how you feel after you spend time with someone. If you feel depleted and alone, this can be a sign that you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. 
It can be difficult to be honest with yourself when you are navigating the toxic waters of an unhealthy relationship. It can be helpful for you to write down your most painful deal breaker and then not make excuses if your boundary is crossed. When we are in a relationship and someone crosses our boundary, our natural tendency may be to try to explain or understand why someone crossed it. This can be a trap because it takes the focus off of the fact that the boundary was crossed and that is the point, not why someone crossed it or how far down the line they crossed it. 
Writing down your most painful deal breaker can be a way for you to step out of the fog of what is happening to you in your relationship. For so many, it's not what someone does, it's what someone continues to do that is the most painful. For example, someone lying is an over stepped boundary, but the more painful damaging deal breaker, is someone that makes no effort to change that hurtful damaging behavior. One example of a most painful deal breaker may be: I tell you how what you do is hurting me and you say you are sorry but make no effort to change. If that is the deal breaker and the boundary continues to be over stepped, then there is no relationship and you may want to ask yourself "What am I doing here, this is not a relationship. This is me being hurt by someone who does not care." If someone cares, then they make an effort to stop. If someone says that they care but they make no effort to stop, then stop listening to them and start paying more attention to what they do. 

Take care everyone, I hope you write down your most painful deal breaker even if you are not in a relationship. 

Hello Everyone, 
Hate is heavy and when we carry it, it weighs us down. Don't make the mistake of hating, it keeps you from your life and from experiencing true freedom and true joy. Hate is a mistake, don't make the mistake of hating it will consume you. If there is someone in your life that is not good for you and has wronged you, you can forgive them and let them go, you do not have to hate them. Hate does not keep us safe, often times we hate what we don't understand. The next time you catch yourself saying that you hate someone or something, remind yourself that there may be something in the situation that you do not understand and that it is okay for you to move on even if you don't understand it. 
Take care everyone, I hope that you don't make the mistake of hating because you deserve to be free. 

Hello Everyone, 

We all have someone in our lives who has wronged us, offended us or hurt us. When we withhold forgiveness it keeps us chained to the offense and causes us to become bitter and even hard. We can find ourselves saying hateful things and doing hateful acts that we would not otherwise want to do or even feel capable of doing. When we have been wronged and we do not forgive we can lose our ability to empathize with others. This can lead to us being the ones who are doing the harm of others and we may find ourselves in need of forgiveness from someone. 

Do yourself a favor and forgive. Forgiveness is how we begin to let it go. When we let go we are free, free to love, free to live and free to be ourselves. Remember that forgiveness does not equal trust. Someone has to earn our trust, especially if they have broken it, but forgiveness is a choice that we make, it's a gift that only we can give. 

Take care everyone, and I hope you think about those individuals in your life that you want to forgive and find a way to forgive them so that you can be free. Thanks for reading. 

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Hello Everyone, 

Facing your addiction is not easy. Even when we feel we are facing it...we may not be. Getting feedback from others and being mindful of how we impact those around us is a helpful step towards facing our addictions. Whatever the harmful behavior is that we are repeating whether it involves a substance, a thought or a behavior, we cannot begin to change it until we face it. 

Look at the reasons you give as justification for the harmful behavior that you repeat. The reasons, justifications and or excuses that you use, keep you from facing your addictions. A great first step is to look at the reasons you give to explain your actions. If we can really look at our explanations, we can get closer to facing our addictions. The next step is to stop stating the justifications, excuses and explanations for our harmful behaviors, and instead just state the harmful behavior that you have. The third step is to list how this harmful behavior impacts those around you. 

Here are two examples:

Example #1:

Step 1: Reasons/excuses/justification: "Yea, I drink after work. I don't have anywhere to go and I deserve a drink after a long days work, it's not hurting anyone". 

Step 2. Harmful behavior statement: "I drink 6-9 beers every night after work"

Step 3. How this impacts others: When I drink 6-9 beers each night, I am not really engaging in my family responsibilities. I get a buzz or drunk and then go to bed. All of this alcohol is not good for my liver and it makes me cranky in the mornings because I don’t feel good and I find myself not working as hard and that makes it hard for my co-workers 

Example #2:

Step 1. Reasons/excuses/justification: "I may scream at her and be a little harsh, but she doesn't listen and if she keeps on this path she will never learn responsibility"

Step 2. Harmful behavior statement: "I scream at her and I am harsh with her"

Step 3. How this impacts others: She has anxiety, and has a difficult time sharing how she feels without getting upset, it negatively impacts her self esteem and she cries 

The next step is share your behavior with another and begin to face it 

This week, let's try to identify a harmful behavior that we continue to repeat and try to make a harmful behavior statement without any excuses, justifications or explanations for the behavior. This will be a great start. 
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Take care everyone and have a great week!  

Hello Everyone, 

It is important to look at our lives and see what it looks like: what are the colors of you life, what do you surround yourself with? Is it a pallet that you like, one that you would choose?  Do you love what you see, does it make you feel alive and whole? If you have never spent anytime looking at your life, take time to design what you want it to look like. What type of setting would you like to live in? Maybe you would love to live in an apartment in a city, or a house in the country or a cabin in the woods. What would you love to come home to? How do you want to feel when you walk into your house, when you go to work, or on the weekends? Spend some time designing your life, even if you cannot achieve the life you want today, begin taking steps towards a life that you would like to design. 
Take care everyone, I hope you begin to assess your life and design a life that you love! 

Hello Everyone, 

Appreciation is a powerful thing in our lives. Appreciation can turn a bad day filled with complaining into a day that feels lighter and brighter. Having appreciation is a great trait to possess and it can be contagious. When we have an attitude of gratitude, we are more pleasant to be around and can feel more energized which tends to make most of us feel happier. Appreciation cannot be overdone. You cannot be too appreciative for what you see, have, feel or are given. Even if we are currently struggling, we can always find something to be grateful for and that can make all the difference. 
This week, let's practice cultivating an attitude of appreciation and see how it impacts our lives and the world around us. 
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

In John Bradshaw's book Family Secrets, he discusses the idea of  leveling with yourself so you can be honest about who you are. Bradshaw speaks to the idea that we need to challenge areas that we desire to be innocent in and he calls this "the core of soul work..."  When we begin to challenge areas that we desire to be innocent in, we can then begin to level with ourselves. When we embrace who we are, innocent or not, we begin to heal. 

I encourage you to begin the process of soul work. Own what you can from your actions and behaviors. It is possible to be victimized and abused, this is not what Bradshaw is referring to, he is referring to areas that we proclaim innocence when have none, are not entirely innocent. 

I hope you are encouraged, I hope you level with yourself and I hope most of all that you find healing. 
Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 
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Hello Everyone, 
Over stepping boundaries in a relationship is very common. When we go past "middle" in a relationship, we can slowly begin to lose ourselves, build resentments and become codependent. A relationship needs to be about exchange, a healthy relationship has a feeling of ebbs and flows. A relationship that is functional will be a two way street. A relationship that is dysfunctional will be a one way street. In a dysfunctional relationship, one partner will be allowed to say how they feel, say what they need and set boundaries for what they do not want in their lives, while the other partner is not allowed access to these same rights.
A dysfunctional relationship will have double standards, and you will know you are in one because you will feel drained every time you are around this person. This is not limited to romantic relationships, it can be any relationship.... This can be in a friendship, a relationship with a family member or at work. The next time you are feeling drained after being around someone, ask yourself, "Did I go past middle, did I continue to give even when it was clear it was not being reciprocated?" If the answer is yes, you may want to do some work with your boundaries and begin setting some with this person. Check out our other blogs to come for more information. 
Thanks for reading, and we are hoping that all of your close relationships offer you exchange and that they are a two way street!

Hello Everyone, 
When it comes to what you can achieve, the sky is the limit. We doubt ourselves and place limitations on our lives. It is important that, regardless of what you are facing,  you pay attention to the extent that you are doubting yourself and then stop. Saying things like, "I got this" or "I will complete this" can give you just the extra boost you need to keep going. We all deserve to move forward, grow and achieve our goals. Self doubt creates a self imposed barrier that stops us from moving forward, growing and meeting our goals. 
This week, try talking back to that doubt. Remind yourself that are capable and that you can do this. 
Thanks for reading and have a great week!

Hello, 

We can get on a roll of complaining which can cause us to go down an unhelpful path. Complaining can make us feel victimized even we are not being attacked or exploited. Complaining can drain us emotionally which can lead us to feeling tired and unmotivated not only draining us, but those around us. One way to break the cycle of complaining is to get grateful. If you focus what you are grateful for, the complaining will decrease and the energy will increase. The more we focus on being grateful, the more energized we will feel, the happier we will feel and the better we will sleep. Try being grateful this week, make it intentional to focus on what is going right more than what is going wrong. If you catch yourself complaining, just lovingly remind yourself that you are not doing that anymore, say three things you are grateful for and why. 
​Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 

 Hello Everyone, 
As we look into 2019, it is important to think about what you would like to complete with the 365 days you will be given this year. You may want to first take an in inventory of your life. What are some areas you wish to grow in, where are you struggling? Here is a simple exercise to help get you started. 
1. Make a list of 3 things that you would like to achieve this year 
   - This can be anything, some areas you may want to consider are your health, finances, relationships, career etc. 
2. Next you will want to break your goals into steps
        - For example, if you would like to save $1000 by the end of the year, then some steps would be:
          *Do a budget to see how much you currently have left to save each month, this step may have more steps to it, for example you may need to speak with someone to help you to determine how to make a budget, open a savings account, and calculate how much you will need to save each month to reach your goal by the end of the year
3. Schedule in a calendar or on a notebook, when you plan to begin working on these steps
          - For example, write on your calendar the day that you will work out a budget and how much you will need to save each month on your calendar, if you need to take on a second job to increase income, then you would add to your calendar a day that you will work on your resume and day that you will begin sending the resume out etc.  
Once you begin to write down your goals, you may begin to realize that some goals may need to wait while you achieve other steps towards fulfilling them this year. If you find that you have written down goals that you will begin working towards this year, but are not able to fully complete this year, the overall goal will go on a 3 or 5 year goal plan, making it a long term goal. The idea is to start with taking an inventory, deciding what you want to change, listing some goals, breaking them into steps and putting them on your calendar. 
Take care everyone, we are starting 2019 with hope and excitement for your coming year! Thanks for reading and we hope you make this year a year of achievement. 

Hello Everyone, 

It is as important to learn how to refuel as it is to be sure that you are getting your responsibilities done throughout the day and week. It is important to find and understand what you need to refuel. Both extroverts and introverts need to be social, an introvert refuels when they are alone at home, an extrovert refuels when they are out and being social. We spend so much time depleting ourselves with the stress of work, family, finances and the emotional stress that we experience in a day. Refueling is vital to your ability to regulate and manage our stress, think clearly and to over extend ourselves and become exhausted. When do not refuel, we are more likely have poor boundaries, lose our cool make irrational decisions and stay stuck in unhelpful cycles. 
There is no right or wrong way to refuel, everyone has to find what works for them. Some people refuel with alone time when they are reading or planning their week. Doing things like yoga, running or walking is another way that is great for some people. Going out with friends or visiting someone close is another way that people can refuel. 
I encourage you to spend time finding what makes you refuel this week. Try a few things and see what makes you feel rested, it is more than just sleep, although getting 7-9 hours of sleep is necessary for resting, but be mindful we still need to refuel. 
​Thanks for reading and have a great week!

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Hello Everyone, 
Listening is a powerful tool that we can use to help us increase empathy, understand another, stay present and also help us to grow. Learning to listen is a skill that we have to practice and develop over time. Learning to listen helps us to grow in both our understanding of ourselves as well as others. Take a challenge and spend an entire day where your focus is to listen much more than you talk. Focus on listening and understanding will change the way you spend your day. Most report experiencing much less stress and anxiety. Rather then the pressure to be heard, bask in the peace of understanding. Take care everyone, and no matter which point of your day you read this, shift to the challenge of listening. 
Thanks for reading and have a great day! 

Hello Everyone, 
Most of us have that person in our lives that could stand to change a thing or two about them to make interacting with them more pleasant. The same is true for us, most of us have things about ourselves that if we changed, it would make interacting with us much more pleasant. The more someone tells us what is wrong with us, the more we can push back and the less change occurs. This is true for others, the more we tell someone what is wrong with them or what they need to change, the more likely they are to stay the same. The answer is love, we all change through love. Love is the most powerful thing of all, being loved and loving someone is life changing and transforming. When we love, we have the power to change and to create a space that is safe for another to change if they choose to do so as well. Getting along and changing is about love, when we make that the goal, the sky is the limit, it's about love...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

Saying goodbye does not come natural to most of us. Sometimes we have to learn how to say goodbye. It is important to learn to say goodbye so that you can move on and more importantly move forward in your life. Sometimes we try to move on without saying goodbye and sometimes we try moving on before we have decided that it is a "goodbye". This can cause all kinds of problems. It can make us wishy washy, we may yoyo back and forth, and this can prolong our growth and cause emotional damage to us. Saying goodbye can be difficult for a number of reasons. We may feel guilt or shame for saying goodbye or embarrassment. When we struggle with saying goodbye, we may avoid that person and this can cause hard feelings, misunderstandings and as a result we may feel a decrease in self esteem and confidence. When we take a step forward and learn to say goodbye, we feel stronger and more secure in our abilities to handle what comes across our path. the only way to learn to say goodbye is to take a breath and face it. Turn towards what or who you need to say goodbye to, say your goodbye and then turn and walk the other way. The more you face the shame, embarrassment, awkwardness or fear, the stronger and more confident you will become. 
Take care everyone, and if you struggle saying goodbye, I hope you learn how so that you can show yourself you are stronger than you think...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
There are times or days that we can feel very alone. Some time alone is a good thing, too much time alone can begin to cause problems. The truth is, you are never alone, although you may feel alone. We live in a world with  7.6 billion other people, we are far from alone. If you are feeling lonely, sad or blue, I encourage you to put yourself out there and begin to connect or reconnect. Ask someone to go to coffee with you, sign up for a class in your area and then push yourself to talk to others in the class and invite people to spend time with you. Read articles and or watch Youtube videos on how to obtain and maintain relationships. Obtaining and maintaining relationships is something that has to be learned, if you have not learned these skills, then now may be a good time for you. Educate yourself in this area so you can grow and then try to put what you learn into practice. 
Take care everyone, I hope this week you push yourself to connect to the people in your world. 
Thanks for reading...