Hello Everyone, 

Relationships can be a wonderful addition to our lives, or they can leave us feeling depleted and hopeless. A relationship is supposed to add to our lives not take away. A healthy relationship will support your life, it will encourage you to be your best self. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will feel discouraged and alone. All abuse isolates you and leaves you feeling alone. Pay attention to how you feel after you spend time with someone. If you feel depleted and alone, this can be a sign that you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. 
It can be difficult to be honest with yourself when you are navigating the toxic waters of an unhealthy relationship. It can be helpful for you to write down your most painful deal breaker and then not make excuses if your boundary is crossed. When we are in a relationship and someone crosses our boundary, our natural tendency may be to try to explain or understand why someone crossed it. This can be a trap because it takes the focus off of the fact that the boundary was crossed and that is the point, not why someone crossed it or how far down the line they crossed it. 
Writing down your most painful deal breaker can be a way for you to step out of the fog of what is happening to you in your relationship. For so many, it's not what someone does, it's what someone continues to do that is the most painful. For example, someone lying is an over stepped boundary, but the more painful damaging deal breaker, is someone that makes no effort to change that hurtful damaging behavior. One example of a most painful deal breaker may be: I tell you how what you do is hurting me and you say you are sorry but make no effort to change. If that is the deal breaker and the boundary continues to be over stepped, then there is no relationship and you may want to ask yourself "What am I doing here, this is not a relationship. This is me being hurt by someone who does not care." If someone cares, then they make an effort to stop. If someone says that they care but they make no effort to stop, then stop listening to them and start paying more attention to what they do. 

Take care everyone, I hope you write down your most painful deal breaker even if you are not in a relationship. 

Hello Everyone, 
Hate is heavy and when we carry it, it weighs us down. Don't make the mistake of hating, it keeps you from your life and from experiencing true freedom and true joy. Hate is a mistake, don't make the mistake of hating it will consume you. If there is someone in your life that is not good for you and has wronged you, you can forgive them and let them go, you do not have to hate them. Hate does not keep us safe, often times we hate what we don't understand. The next time you catch yourself saying that you hate someone or something, remind yourself that there may be something in the situation that you do not understand and that it is okay for you to move on even if you don't understand it. 
Take care everyone, I hope that you don't make the mistake of hating because you deserve to be free. 

Hello Everyone, 

We all have someone in our lives who has wronged us, offended us or hurt us. When we withhold forgiveness it keeps us chained to the offense and causes us to become bitter and even hard. We can find ourselves saying hateful things and doing hateful acts that we would not otherwise want to do or even feel capable of doing. When we have been wronged and we do not forgive we can lose our ability to empathize with others. This can lead to us being the ones who are doing the harm of others and we may find ourselves in need of forgiveness from someone. 

Do yourself a favor and forgive. Forgiveness is how we begin to let it go. When we let go we are free, free to love, free to live and free to be ourselves. Remember that forgiveness does not equal trust. Someone has to earn our trust, especially if they have broken it, but forgiveness is a choice that we make, it's a gift that only we can give. 

Take care everyone, and I hope you think about those individuals in your life that you want to forgive and find a way to forgive them so that you can be free. Thanks for reading. 

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Hello Everyone, 

Facing your addiction is not easy. Even when we feel we are facing it...we may not be. Getting feedback from others and being mindful of how we impact those around us is a helpful step towards facing our addictions. Whatever the harmful behavior is that we are repeating whether it involves a substance, a thought or a behavior, we cannot begin to change it until we face it. 

Look at the reasons you give as justification for the harmful behavior that you repeat. The reasons, justifications and or excuses that you use, keep you from facing your addictions. A great first step is to look at the reasons you give to explain your actions. If we can really look at our explanations, we can get closer to facing our addictions. The next step is to stop stating the justifications, excuses and explanations for our harmful behaviors, and instead just state the harmful behavior that you have. The third step is to list how this harmful behavior impacts those around you. 

Here are two examples:

Example #1:

Step 1: Reasons/excuses/justification: "Yea, I drink after work. I don't have anywhere to go and I deserve a drink after a long days work, it's not hurting anyone". 

Step 2. Harmful behavior statement: "I drink 6-9 beers every night after work"

Step 3. How this impacts others: When I drink 6-9 beers each night, I am not really engaging in my family responsibilities. I get a buzz or drunk and then go to bed. All of this alcohol is not good for my liver and it makes me cranky in the mornings because I don’t feel good and I find myself not working as hard and that makes it hard for my co-workers 

Example #2:

Step 1. Reasons/excuses/justification: "I may scream at her and be a little harsh, but she doesn't listen and if she keeps on this path she will never learn responsibility"

Step 2. Harmful behavior statement: "I scream at her and I am harsh with her"

Step 3. How this impacts others: She has anxiety, and has a difficult time sharing how she feels without getting upset, it negatively impacts her self esteem and she cries 

The next step is share your behavior with another and begin to face it 

This week, let's try to identify a harmful behavior that we continue to repeat and try to make a harmful behavior statement without any excuses, justifications or explanations for the behavior. This will be a great start. 
​
Take care everyone and have a great week!  

Hello Everyone, 

It is important to look at our lives and see what it looks like: what are the colors of you life, what do you surround yourself with? Is it a pallet that you like, one that you would choose?  Do you love what you see, does it make you feel alive and whole? If you have never spent anytime looking at your life, take time to design what you want it to look like. What type of setting would you like to live in? Maybe you would love to live in an apartment in a city, or a house in the country or a cabin in the woods. What would you love to come home to? How do you want to feel when you walk into your house, when you go to work, or on the weekends? Spend some time designing your life, even if you cannot achieve the life you want today, begin taking steps towards a life that you would like to design. 
Take care everyone, I hope you begin to assess your life and design a life that you love! 

Hello Everyone, 

Appreciation is a powerful thing in our lives. Appreciation can turn a bad day filled with complaining into a day that feels lighter and brighter. Having appreciation is a great trait to possess and it can be contagious. When we have an attitude of gratitude, we are more pleasant to be around and can feel more energized which tends to make most of us feel happier. Appreciation cannot be overdone. You cannot be too appreciative for what you see, have, feel or are given. Even if we are currently struggling, we can always find something to be grateful for and that can make all the difference. 
This week, let's practice cultivating an attitude of appreciation and see how it impacts our lives and the world around us. 
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

In John Bradshaw's book Family Secrets, he discusses the idea of  leveling with yourself so you can be honest about who you are. Bradshaw speaks to the idea that we need to challenge areas that we desire to be innocent in and he calls this "the core of soul work..."  When we begin to challenge areas that we desire to be innocent in, we can then begin to level with ourselves. When we embrace who we are, innocent or not, we begin to heal. 

I encourage you to begin the process of soul work. Own what you can from your actions and behaviors. It is possible to be victimized and abused, this is not what Bradshaw is referring to, he is referring to areas that we proclaim innocence when have none, are not entirely innocent. 

I hope you are encouraged, I hope you level with yourself and I hope most of all that you find healing. 
Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 
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Hello Everyone, 
Over stepping boundaries in a relationship is very common. When we go past "middle" in a relationship, we can slowly begin to lose ourselves, build resentments and become codependent. A relationship needs to be about exchange, a healthy relationship has a feeling of ebbs and flows. A relationship that is functional will be a two way street. A relationship that is dysfunctional will be a one way street. In a dysfunctional relationship, one partner will be allowed to say how they feel, say what they need and set boundaries for what they do not want in their lives, while the other partner is not allowed access to these same rights.
A dysfunctional relationship will have double standards, and you will know you are in one because you will feel drained every time you are around this person. This is not limited to romantic relationships, it can be any relationship.... This can be in a friendship, a relationship with a family member or at work. The next time you are feeling drained after being around someone, ask yourself, "Did I go past middle, did I continue to give even when it was clear it was not being reciprocated?" If the answer is yes, you may want to do some work with your boundaries and begin setting some with this person. Check out our other blogs to come for more information. 
Thanks for reading, and we are hoping that all of your close relationships offer you exchange and that they are a two way street!

Hello Everyone, 
When it comes to what you can achieve, the sky is the limit. We doubt ourselves and place limitations on our lives. It is important that, regardless of what you are facing,  you pay attention to the extent that you are doubting yourself and then stop. Saying things like, "I got this" or "I will complete this" can give you just the extra boost you need to keep going. We all deserve to move forward, grow and achieve our goals. Self doubt creates a self imposed barrier that stops us from moving forward, growing and meeting our goals. 
This week, try talking back to that doubt. Remind yourself that are capable and that you can do this. 
Thanks for reading and have a great week!

Hello, 

We can get on a roll of complaining which can cause us to go down an unhelpful path. Complaining can make us feel victimized even we are not being attacked or exploited. Complaining can drain us emotionally which can lead us to feeling tired and unmotivated not only draining us, but those around us. One way to break the cycle of complaining is to get grateful. If you focus what you are grateful for, the complaining will decrease and the energy will increase. The more we focus on being grateful, the more energized we will feel, the happier we will feel and the better we will sleep. Try being grateful this week, make it intentional to focus on what is going right more than what is going wrong. If you catch yourself complaining, just lovingly remind yourself that you are not doing that anymore, say three things you are grateful for and why. 
​Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 

 Hello Everyone, 
As we look into 2019, it is important to think about what you would like to complete with the 365 days you will be given this year. You may want to first take an in inventory of your life. What are some areas you wish to grow in, where are you struggling? Here is a simple exercise to help get you started. 
1. Make a list of 3 things that you would like to achieve this year 
   - This can be anything, some areas you may want to consider are your health, finances, relationships, career etc. 
2. Next you will want to break your goals into steps
        - For example, if you would like to save $1000 by the end of the year, then some steps would be:
          *Do a budget to see how much you currently have left to save each month, this step may have more steps to it, for example you may need to speak with someone to help you to determine how to make a budget, open a savings account, and calculate how much you will need to save each month to reach your goal by the end of the year
3. Schedule in a calendar or on a notebook, when you plan to begin working on these steps
          - For example, write on your calendar the day that you will work out a budget and how much you will need to save each month on your calendar, if you need to take on a second job to increase income, then you would add to your calendar a day that you will work on your resume and day that you will begin sending the resume out etc.  
Once you begin to write down your goals, you may begin to realize that some goals may need to wait while you achieve other steps towards fulfilling them this year. If you find that you have written down goals that you will begin working towards this year, but are not able to fully complete this year, the overall goal will go on a 3 or 5 year goal plan, making it a long term goal. The idea is to start with taking an inventory, deciding what you want to change, listing some goals, breaking them into steps and putting them on your calendar. 
Take care everyone, we are starting 2019 with hope and excitement for your coming year! Thanks for reading and we hope you make this year a year of achievement. 

Hello Everyone, 

It is as important to learn how to refuel as it is to be sure that you are getting your responsibilities done throughout the day and week. It is important to find and understand what you need to refuel. Both extroverts and introverts need to be social, an introvert refuels when they are alone at home, an extrovert refuels when they are out and being social. We spend so much time depleting ourselves with the stress of work, family, finances and the emotional stress that we experience in a day. Refueling is vital to your ability to regulate and manage our stress, think clearly and to over extend ourselves and become exhausted. When do not refuel, we are more likely have poor boundaries, lose our cool make irrational decisions and stay stuck in unhelpful cycles. 
There is no right or wrong way to refuel, everyone has to find what works for them. Some people refuel with alone time when they are reading or planning their week. Doing things like yoga, running or walking is another way that is great for some people. Going out with friends or visiting someone close is another way that people can refuel. 
I encourage you to spend time finding what makes you refuel this week. Try a few things and see what makes you feel rested, it is more than just sleep, although getting 7-9 hours of sleep is necessary for resting, but be mindful we still need to refuel. 
​Thanks for reading and have a great week!

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Hello Everyone, 
Listening is a powerful tool that we can use to help us increase empathy, understand another, stay present and also help us to grow. Learning to listen is a skill that we have to practice and develop over time. Learning to listen helps us to grow in both our understanding of ourselves as well as others. Take a challenge and spend an entire day where your focus is to listen much more than you talk. Focus on listening and understanding will change the way you spend your day. Most report experiencing much less stress and anxiety. Rather then the pressure to be heard, bask in the peace of understanding. Take care everyone, and no matter which point of your day you read this, shift to the challenge of listening. 
Thanks for reading and have a great day! 

Hello Everyone, 
Most of us have that person in our lives that could stand to change a thing or two about them to make interacting with them more pleasant. The same is true for us, most of us have things about ourselves that if we changed, it would make interacting with us much more pleasant. The more someone tells us what is wrong with us, the more we can push back and the less change occurs. This is true for others, the more we tell someone what is wrong with them or what they need to change, the more likely they are to stay the same. The answer is love, we all change through love. Love is the most powerful thing of all, being loved and loving someone is life changing and transforming. When we love, we have the power to change and to create a space that is safe for another to change if they choose to do so as well. Getting along and changing is about love, when we make that the goal, the sky is the limit, it's about love...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

Saying goodbye does not come natural to most of us. Sometimes we have to learn how to say goodbye. It is important to learn to say goodbye so that you can move on and more importantly move forward in your life. Sometimes we try to move on without saying goodbye and sometimes we try moving on before we have decided that it is a "goodbye". This can cause all kinds of problems. It can make us wishy washy, we may yoyo back and forth, and this can prolong our growth and cause emotional damage to us. Saying goodbye can be difficult for a number of reasons. We may feel guilt or shame for saying goodbye or embarrassment. When we struggle with saying goodbye, we may avoid that person and this can cause hard feelings, misunderstandings and as a result we may feel a decrease in self esteem and confidence. When we take a step forward and learn to say goodbye, we feel stronger and more secure in our abilities to handle what comes across our path. the only way to learn to say goodbye is to take a breath and face it. Turn towards what or who you need to say goodbye to, say your goodbye and then turn and walk the other way. The more you face the shame, embarrassment, awkwardness or fear, the stronger and more confident you will become. 
Take care everyone, and if you struggle saying goodbye, I hope you learn how so that you can show yourself you are stronger than you think...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
There are times or days that we can feel very alone. Some time alone is a good thing, too much time alone can begin to cause problems. The truth is, you are never alone, although you may feel alone. We live in a world with  7.6 billion other people, we are far from alone. If you are feeling lonely, sad or blue, I encourage you to put yourself out there and begin to connect or reconnect. Ask someone to go to coffee with you, sign up for a class in your area and then push yourself to talk to others in the class and invite people to spend time with you. Read articles and or watch Youtube videos on how to obtain and maintain relationships. Obtaining and maintaining relationships is something that has to be learned, if you have not learned these skills, then now may be a good time for you. Educate yourself in this area so you can grow and then try to put what you learn into practice. 
Take care everyone, I hope this week you push yourself to connect to the people in your world. 
Thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 

It can be easy to get lost in a busy world, a difficult relationship or unhealthy situations we may have find ourselves in. When we find that we are spread too thin, feel confused about the direction of our life or just plain feel fed up, seek your truth. What is real for you? What do you love, what do you like and what do you want? Spend time in thought and self reflection. Take time to discover what is you are thinking and feeling. When we find our truth, we are more solid in our shoes and feel more confident in our decisions, relationships and in our lives. 
Take care everyone, this week I hope you seek your truth and follow it... 

Hello Everyone, 

Planning is an important part of living a life of wellness. When sitting down to plan your week, it is important to budget your time for what you need your time to do for you, instead having your time tell you what you can and cannot do. Here is a list of steps that will allow you to you begin to more successfully plan your week as well as achieve what you need to over a months' time. 
1. First, make a list of the things that you need to achieve with your time for the week. Some things may be:
      1. Make Dinner 
      2, Exercise 
      3. Journal 
      4. Work on budget
      5. Pay bills 
2. Next. arrange or your list in order of importance to establish your priorities
3.  Lastly, begin your planning process with your top priority. If exercise is your top priority, be sure that is the first thing that gets scheduled into your planner. Next, take your second priority and be sure that is the next thing that is scheduled into your planner and so on.
Planning with your priorities in mind will allow you to manage your time  and ensure that you are making the most of your time. 
Take care everyone and I hope this week you plan your week with your priorities in mind. 

Hello Everyone, 

Most of us do not like to struggle, in fact we all have ways that we try to get out of feeling the struggle. When we struggle we can feel frustrated, confused, less than, irritable, depressed, anxious etc. All of these emotions are a natural response to struggle. Struggle is not supposed to feel good, but when we focus on how to stop feeling those emotions more than why we struggle this when the struggle can be more likely to be repeated and also this is how we rob ourselves of growth. The next time you find yourself struggling, in finances, relationships, boundaries or any one of a number of other issues; try taking a step back and looking at your struggle.

One way to look at your struggle is to ask yourself the following questions:
-Is this a familiar struggle and if so...how
-What part did I play in getting here
-What part do I continue to play while I am in my struggle
-What emotions am I feeling right now
-What can I do that is different than what I have been doing 
-What or who do I tend to look at, instead of looking at myself

This is not about blaming yourself, this about embracing your struggle in an effort to empower you so that you can have something different in your life. It takes a struggle to get strength, but we don't build new muscles when we keep repeating the same struggles...
Take care everyone and I hope that the next time you encounter struggle, that you will take a step back so that you can learn and grow from it. 

Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
There are many ways that we can set ourselves up for a good day. One way is to get up and get ready every day, even if you are not going to leave your home. When we don't take the time to get ourselves ready for the day, we can feel embarrassed, more tired or even struggle with depression throughout the day. Getting yourself ready may include, changing out of the clothes you slept in and into clean clothes, combing your hair, brushing your teeth and washing your face. Getting yourself ready for your day, doesn't take long and it can set you up for a more successful happier day. If you do not currently have a routine for your mornings, try developing one and use it over the next week and see if you feel differently. 
I hope you take care of yourself and really work on getting ready each morning. Take care and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 
It's important to think about your space. Your space is anywhere that you spend a period of your time on a daily basis. Your space may include; your home, your office, your cubicle, your vehicle etc. It is important that you pay attention to your space and that you make it your own. Surround yourself with things you love, if you don't love it, get rid of it. It is that simple. When we only have things in our space that we love, we love the space, it makes us feel like ourselves, it makes us happy and it can make us want to be there. Begin with what you already have, examine things that are in your space and then decide how you feel about it. Again, if you do not love it, get rid of it and find something that you love. 
Take everyone and I hope you feel inspired to begin to work on your spaces so that you can love them. 
Thanks for reading! 

Hello Everyone, 
If you struggle with anxiety, sleeping or often feel overwhelmed, you may want to try a brain-dump. A brain-dump is simply taking the information you have collected over a period of a day and writing it down with bullet points. I like to use a planner or a note book and just jot down my experiences for the day. I like to break up my day in morning, noon and night. Here is one example of what a brain-dump may look like:
Morning
* Great morning with girls, woke up on time, spent time reading, felt relaxing
Noon
*Didn't eat all my lunch, spoke with boss about new project, feeling nervous, scared it will not go well
Night
*Ran, ate dinner with girls, over all good day, struggled staying positive but still made progress overall

Taking just 5 minutes each night to collect your thoughts and write them down, allows your brain to empty excess feelings and thoughts and frees you to connect with yourself and to relax. 
Take care everyone and I hope you try a brain dump. Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
When we take the time to connect a pen to a piece of paper, it causes us to pause in our day and reflect on what we achieved, what we left undone and also how we feel and how we felt about our experiences. If a life is made up of experiences, then maybe we can connect to our lives by taking the time to reflect on our day's experience. This week, try to take a moment to write bullet points about what occurred in your day and to record your thoughts. Here is an example:
*Woke up early-felt refreshed
*Work was difficult had a difficult conversation- felt I experienced growth, was proud of myself
*Came home at 7, cooked and relaxed- feeling grateful and content 
Try this exercise for the next 7 days and then reflect on your week at the end of it. Reflect on how this exercise impacted your life and your experience. 
Take care everyone, and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 
Where there are two opposing sides, there will also be a middle. It can be hard to believe that there is a middle when we feel so passionate about our side, or so opposed to the other side. When we do not give up on a conversation and we keep pushing to communicate with each other, we can reach middle. When we do become afraid of difference and are intimidated by another not wanting what we want or not seeing what we see, we can stop communication and when we do, we will not find middle. We have to refuse to stop talking and focus on communicating so that we can find middle. Finding middle in a relationship frees us to keep going, growing and moving forward instead of moving backwards or not moving and not growing at all.  
Keep talking everyone and find middle as a team.
Have a great week and thanks for reading!