Hello Everyone, 
As we look into 2019, it is important to think about what you would like to complete with the 365 days you will be given this year. You may want to first take an in inventory of your life. What are some areas you wish to grow in, where are you struggling? Here is a simple exercise to help get you started. 
1. Make a list of 3 things that you would like to achieve this year 
   - This can be anything, some areas you may want to consider are your health, finances, relationships, career etc. 
2. Next you will want to break your goals into steps
        - For example, if you would like to save $1000 by the end of the year, then some steps would be:
          *Do a budget to see how much you currently have left to save each month, this step may have more steps to it, for example you may need to speak with someone to help you to determine how to make a budget, open a savings account, and calculate how much you will need to save each month to reach your goal by the end of the year
3. Schedule in a calendar or on a notebook, when you plan to begin working on these steps
          - For example, write on your calendar the day that you will work out a budget and how much you will need to save each month on your calendar, if you need to take on a second job to increase income, then you would add to your calendar a day that you will work on your resume and day that you will begin sending the resume out etc.  
Once you begin to write down your goals, you may begin to realize that some goals may need to wait while you achieve other steps towards fulfilling them this year. If you find that you have written down goals that you will begin working towards this year, but are not able to fully complete this year, the overall goal will go on a 3 or 5 year goal plan, making it a long term goal. The idea is to start with taking an inventory, deciding what you want to change, listing some goals, breaking them into steps and putting them on your calendar. 
Take care everyone, we are starting 2019 with hope and excitement for your coming year! Thanks for reading and we hope you make this year a year of achievement. 

Hello Everyone, 

It is as important to learn how to refuel as it is to be sure that you are getting your responsibilities done throughout the day and week. It is important to find and understand what you need to refuel. Both extroverts and introverts need to be social, an introvert refuels when they are alone at home, an extrovert refuels when they are out and being social. We spend so much time depleting ourselves with the stress of work, family, finances and the emotional stress that we experience in a day. Refueling is vital to your ability to regulate and manage our stress, think clearly and to over extend ourselves and become exhausted. When do not refuel, we are more likely have poor boundaries, lose our cool make irrational decisions and stay stuck in unhelpful cycles. 
There is no right or wrong way to refuel, everyone has to find what works for them. Some people refuel with alone time when they are reading or planning their week. Doing things like yoga, running or walking is another way that is great for some people. Going out with friends or visiting someone close is another way that people can refuel. 
I encourage you to spend time finding what makes you refuel this week. Try a few things and see what makes you feel rested, it is more than just sleep, although getting 7-9 hours of sleep is necessary for resting, but be mindful we still need to refuel. 
​Thanks for reading and have a great week!

​

Hello Everyone, 
Listening is a powerful tool that we can use to help us increase empathy, understand another, stay present and also help us to grow. Learning to listen is a skill that we have to practice and develop over time. Learning to listen helps us to grow in both our understanding of ourselves as well as others. Take a challenge and spend an entire day where your focus is to listen much more than you talk. Focus on listening and understanding will change the way you spend your day. Most report experiencing much less stress and anxiety. Rather then the pressure to be heard, bask in the peace of understanding. Take care everyone, and no matter which point of your day you read this, shift to the challenge of listening. 
Thanks for reading and have a great day! 

Hello Everyone, 
Most of us have that person in our lives that could stand to change a thing or two about them to make interacting with them more pleasant. The same is true for us, most of us have things about ourselves that if we changed, it would make interacting with us much more pleasant. The more someone tells us what is wrong with us, the more we can push back and the less change occurs. This is true for others, the more we tell someone what is wrong with them or what they need to change, the more likely they are to stay the same. The answer is love, we all change through love. Love is the most powerful thing of all, being loved and loving someone is life changing and transforming. When we love, we have the power to change and to create a space that is safe for another to change if they choose to do so as well. Getting along and changing is about love, when we make that the goal, the sky is the limit, it's about love...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 

Saying goodbye does not come natural to most of us. Sometimes we have to learn how to say goodbye. It is important to learn to say goodbye so that you can move on and more importantly move forward in your life. Sometimes we try to move on without saying goodbye and sometimes we try moving on before we have decided that it is a "goodbye". This can cause all kinds of problems. It can make us wishy washy, we may yoyo back and forth, and this can prolong our growth and cause emotional damage to us. Saying goodbye can be difficult for a number of reasons. We may feel guilt or shame for saying goodbye or embarrassment. When we struggle with saying goodbye, we may avoid that person and this can cause hard feelings, misunderstandings and as a result we may feel a decrease in self esteem and confidence. When we take a step forward and learn to say goodbye, we feel stronger and more secure in our abilities to handle what comes across our path. the only way to learn to say goodbye is to take a breath and face it. Turn towards what or who you need to say goodbye to, say your goodbye and then turn and walk the other way. The more you face the shame, embarrassment, awkwardness or fear, the stronger and more confident you will become. 
Take care everyone, and if you struggle saying goodbye, I hope you learn how so that you can show yourself you are stronger than you think...
Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
There are times or days that we can feel very alone. Some time alone is a good thing, too much time alone can begin to cause problems. The truth is, you are never alone, although you may feel alone. We live in a world with  7.6 billion other people, we are far from alone. If you are feeling lonely, sad or blue, I encourage you to put yourself out there and begin to connect or reconnect. Ask someone to go to coffee with you, sign up for a class in your area and then push yourself to talk to others in the class and invite people to spend time with you. Read articles and or watch Youtube videos on how to obtain and maintain relationships. Obtaining and maintaining relationships is something that has to be learned, if you have not learned these skills, then now may be a good time for you. Educate yourself in this area so you can grow and then try to put what you learn into practice. 
Take care everyone, I hope this week you push yourself to connect to the people in your world. 
Thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 

It can be easy to get lost in a busy world, a difficult relationship or unhealthy situations we may have find ourselves in. When we find that we are spread too thin, feel confused about the direction of our life or just plain feel fed up, seek your truth. What is real for you? What do you love, what do you like and what do you want? Spend time in thought and self reflection. Take time to discover what is you are thinking and feeling. When we find our truth, we are more solid in our shoes and feel more confident in our decisions, relationships and in our lives. 
Take care everyone, this week I hope you seek your truth and follow it... 

Hello Everyone, 

Planning is an important part of living a life of wellness. When sitting down to plan your week, it is important to budget your time for what you need your time to do for you, instead having your time tell you what you can and cannot do. Here is a list of steps that will allow you to you begin to more successfully plan your week as well as achieve what you need to over a months' time. 
1. First, make a list of the things that you need to achieve with your time for the week. Some things may be:
      1. Make Dinner 
      2, Exercise 
      3. Journal 
      4. Work on budget
      5. Pay bills 
2. Next. arrange or your list in order of importance to establish your priorities
3.  Lastly, begin your planning process with your top priority. If exercise is your top priority, be sure that is the first thing that gets scheduled into your planner. Next, take your second priority and be sure that is the next thing that is scheduled into your planner and so on.
Planning with your priorities in mind will allow you to manage your time  and ensure that you are making the most of your time. 
Take care everyone and I hope this week you plan your week with your priorities in mind. 

Hello Everyone, 

Most of us do not like to struggle, in fact we all have ways that we try to get out of feeling the struggle. When we struggle we can feel frustrated, confused, less than, irritable, depressed, anxious etc. All of these emotions are a natural response to struggle. Struggle is not supposed to feel good, but when we focus on how to stop feeling those emotions more than why we struggle this when the struggle can be more likely to be repeated and also this is how we rob ourselves of growth. The next time you find yourself struggling, in finances, relationships, boundaries or any one of a number of other issues; try taking a step back and looking at your struggle.

One way to look at your struggle is to ask yourself the following questions:
-Is this a familiar struggle and if so...how
-What part did I play in getting here
-What part do I continue to play while I am in my struggle
-What emotions am I feeling right now
-What can I do that is different than what I have been doing 
-What or who do I tend to look at, instead of looking at myself

This is not about blaming yourself, this about embracing your struggle in an effort to empower you so that you can have something different in your life. It takes a struggle to get strength, but we don't build new muscles when we keep repeating the same struggles...
Take care everyone and I hope that the next time you encounter struggle, that you will take a step back so that you can learn and grow from it. 

Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
There are many ways that we can set ourselves up for a good day. One way is to get up and get ready every day, even if you are not going to leave your home. When we don't take the time to get ourselves ready for the day, we can feel embarrassed, more tired or even struggle with depression throughout the day. Getting yourself ready may include, changing out of the clothes you slept in and into clean clothes, combing your hair, brushing your teeth and washing your face. Getting yourself ready for your day, doesn't take long and it can set you up for a more successful happier day. If you do not currently have a routine for your mornings, try developing one and use it over the next week and see if you feel differently. 
I hope you take care of yourself and really work on getting ready each morning. Take care and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 
It's important to think about your space. Your space is anywhere that you spend a period of your time on a daily basis. Your space may include; your home, your office, your cubicle, your vehicle etc. It is important that you pay attention to your space and that you make it your own. Surround yourself with things you love, if you don't love it, get rid of it. It is that simple. When we only have things in our space that we love, we love the space, it makes us feel like ourselves, it makes us happy and it can make us want to be there. Begin with what you already have, examine things that are in your space and then decide how you feel about it. Again, if you do not love it, get rid of it and find something that you love. 
Take everyone and I hope you feel inspired to begin to work on your spaces so that you can love them. 
Thanks for reading! 

Hello Everyone, 
If you struggle with anxiety, sleeping or often feel overwhelmed, you may want to try a brain-dump. A brain-dump is simply taking the information you have collected over a period of a day and writing it down with bullet points. I like to use a planner or a note book and just jot down my experiences for the day. I like to break up my day in morning, noon and night. Here is one example of what a brain-dump may look like:
Morning
* Great morning with girls, woke up on time, spent time reading, felt relaxing
Noon
*Didn't eat all my lunch, spoke with boss about new project, feeling nervous, scared it will not go well
Night
*Ran, ate dinner with girls, over all good day, struggled staying positive but still made progress overall

Taking just 5 minutes each night to collect your thoughts and write them down, allows your brain to empty excess feelings and thoughts and frees you to connect with yourself and to relax. 
Take care everyone and I hope you try a brain dump. Thanks for reading and have a great week! 

Hello Everyone, 
When we take the time to connect a pen to a piece of paper, it causes us to pause in our day and reflect on what we achieved, what we left undone and also how we feel and how we felt about our experiences. If a life is made up of experiences, then maybe we can connect to our lives by taking the time to reflect on our day's experience. This week, try to take a moment to write bullet points about what occurred in your day and to record your thoughts. Here is an example:
*Woke up early-felt refreshed
*Work was difficult had a difficult conversation- felt I experienced growth, was proud of myself
*Came home at 7, cooked and relaxed- feeling grateful and content 
Try this exercise for the next 7 days and then reflect on your week at the end of it. Reflect on how this exercise impacted your life and your experience. 
Take care everyone, and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 
Where there are two opposing sides, there will also be a middle. It can be hard to believe that there is a middle when we feel so passionate about our side, or so opposed to the other side. When we do not give up on a conversation and we keep pushing to communicate with each other, we can reach middle. When we do become afraid of difference and are intimidated by another not wanting what we want or not seeing what we see, we can stop communication and when we do, we will not find middle. We have to refuse to stop talking and focus on communicating so that we can find middle. Finding middle in a relationship frees us to keep going, growing and moving forward instead of moving backwards or not moving and not growing at all.  
Keep talking everyone and find middle as a team.
Have a great week and thanks for reading!

Hello Everyone, 
According to Alice Miller, when we stop denying the reality of our past, we can then begin to mourn. When we begin to mourn, our contempt will start to cease. Miller speaks to the past and states that some things cannot be changed as they are irreversible. When we deny the reality of our experiences or the emotions surrounding them, we may begin to experience contempt. Contempt doesn't feel good and we can use it in an effort to deny our reality and to attempt not feel our emotions. Miller goes on to write that we are liberated when we consciously experience our emotions. 
I hope that you give yourself permission to accept, express and own the reality of your past. I also hope that you learn to express your emotions consciously instead of denying them, regardless of what others in your life may tell you. We all have our own experience and our own truths, and we all deserve the right and freedom to our reality.  
Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 

Hello Everyone, 
When we get hurt, it can be hard to remember that the person that hurt us has feelings too. Some times we can get so hurt that we can become cold or numb to the fact that the one who hurt us can be hurt by us. By thinking that those that hurt us are invincible, we can be callous, cold and down right hateful in the way we treat others. It can feel terrible when we realize that the person we have felt justified in treating poorly has feelings too. Often times if we are bullied, it can seem as though no one could be capable of feelings so it can escape us that our actions have impacts on others. We can be ugly in our behavior towards others and hurting others just hurts us. I hope the next we are hurt by someone, we take the time we deserve to try to understand how we are feeling and how the actions of another impacted us, but more importantly I hope that we can find a way to be certain that we do not cause the same type of pain to anyone. Stay whole, stay human, stay you... and refuse to become a person that hurts others no matter how hurt you may feel. Find a way to grieve, to heal and to move on. 
Take care everyone and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 
It is important that we take the time to grieve when we suffer a loss. Even a necessary loss needs to be processed. The idea of grieving can be scary. We may be afraid to acknowledge a loss, or afraid of what it might feel like to recognize how we really feel. Some of us believe sadness is the scariest emotion on the planet, when in reality sadness is necessary and is a very common emotion. Give yourself time to reflect, be sad, be grateful, be angry...just be whatever you are in that moment. When we suffer a loss and we do not grieve, we can become emotionally stuck and reactive or inactive. Grief can take time, or it can go by quickly, everyone is different and every situation is different. It is important to acknowledge a loss and to recognize how we are feeling and reacting. Allow yourself to grieve, give voice to the loss, share it with someone or write about it. Acknowledge the loss and the feelings you have towards the situation, person or persons for they are, do not try to change the way you feel or judge yourself for it, just allow and acknowledge it.  
Take care everyone, make a list of what you need to grieve, and then begin to allow yourself the time you need to grieve it. 
Have a great week and thanks for reading! 

Hello Everyone, 
It is so important to work hard and to push ourselves to thrive. It is a great thing to work hard and to put our effort into the work that we do. It is also important to learn to relax after we have worked hard. Some of us have a difficult time relaxing or unwinding and it does help when we know what we like to do to relax. Finding things that you enjoy that are relaxing makes it easier to relax when you are done working and also makes it more likely that you will relax after working hard. Some ways of relaxing may include; reading a book, meditating, taking a hot bath, going for a walk, going for a swim, laying down and taking a nap, drawing, knitting, meeting a friend for coffee etc. 
This week, let's all focus on working hard and also on what we are dong to relax. Maybe try something, and if you are not sure how you relax try something off the list until you find something that works for you. 
Take care everyone and thanks for reading...

Hello Everyone, 

In Alice Miller's book, The Drama of the Gifted Child, she states that we can accept admiration as a substitute gratification for our primary needs. Miller identifies our unconscious needs that may have been present since childhood as; respect, understanding and being taken seriously. When we do not understand and identify our true needs, we continue to struggle to find a symbol of what love is. We will accept a false sense of gratification that can come from admiration. Having another admire us and compliment us can feel like love, but if that admirer does not show us respect or attempt to understand us or take us seriously, we will begin to feel confused, frustrated and disappointed. We may also feel like we are less, which can be confusing. If someone is giving us admiration but not meeting our needs, it can be more difficult to identify and advocate for our needs. Admiration is nice to get, but we need to be careful that we are not calling admiration love, or accepting admiration as a substitute for love. 
Take this week to try to determine if you are getting love from your relationships and if not, think of ways to set boundaries so that your needs can begin to be met. 
Thanks for reading and take care everyone! 

Hello Everyone, 
In Paulo Coelho's book, The Alchemist, he states that we strive to become better than we are when we love. Too many times, we define love in ways that defile love instead of honor love. We allow others to say they love us when they do not treat us in loving ways or with love. Or we say that we love others but treat them in a way that is closer to hate than love. Loving another is not always easy. It can be very difficult to set aside our needs and desires to show another care, there is sacrifice in love. Loving someone and wanting more for them, wanting the best for them and the willingness to show them the care that we would like to receive. Loving someone is work, it involves self discipline and self control. When we learn discipline and self control we grow and become better than we were. 
I challenge each of us to focus this week on striving to become better than we are through loving someone. Take care everyone, I hope you find your strength through loving. 
​

In Brian Martin's book Invincible, he identifies lies that those of us who grew up in a home with childhood domestic violence (CDV) believe. One lie that children raised in a home with domestic violence may believe, is that it is safer to be alone. This lie makes it very difficult for the child in adulthood to connect and to trust. CDV makes it difficult to allow someone in and to open up and be vulnerable with them. This lie also makes it difficult to trust your partner and to be open with them about thoughts, feelings and needs. Martin's book goes on to explain that when we do connect and place our trust in others, we find great happiness and fulfillment.  If this blog hits home with you and your struggles with connecting, I encourage you to read Invincible by Brian Martin.
Take care everyone and thanks for reading!

Hello Everyone, 

Changing our behavior or our way of thinking can be very difficult and frustrating. It is important to realize the successes you have made through learning. The truth is, you can learn and you have learned a great deal up to this point in your life. If you feel stuck or helpless with a pattern in your life, remind yourself, "I can learn". I can learn something new and something different, things can change. Progress is happening right now, even in this moment, just because we back slide or begin to struggle with a recurring issue, it does not mean that we are not progressing. Change takes time, but we can find a way to learn and make new decisions gradually that are based on learning and this is progress. 
Take care everyone, focus this week on being mindful of what you have learned, what you still need to learn and that you are learning right now even in this moment. 
Have a great week and thanks for reading!

Hello Everyone, 
John Bradshaw breaks down the rhythm of life- holding on and letting go- to it's most basic and primal expression...breath. Bradshaw describes holding on and letting go as "life". When we meditate, we practice this symbol of holding on and letting go. When we focus on our breathing, we reconnect to ourselves. We discover that we do have the ability to hold on and to also let go. Breath is life, when you are having a difficult time holding on or letting go, take your mind off of your issue for just a moment and reconnect with your breath. Breathing in through your nose, holding the breath and then letting it go will begin to help you to address areas in your life where you may be struggling. When we practice breathing, we are practicing the act of holding on and letting go. 
Take care everyone, I hope you practice the art of breathing and thanks for reading...